She doesn’t know me yet. Not the real me. Not even my real name. I know that’s no way to start a new relationship, but I had to know she was the real deal before I go spilling my guts out to her, and get hurt again. Get to know her likes and dislikes, without taking a creepy crap-ton of notes to memorize. I had to know I could trust her to love me without stopping. Without abandoning me. 

The dating world is tough out there for a guy like me. Awkward. Tall and uncommonly quiet except when in the right situation. 

For some reason talking to a girl never seems like the right situation. 

But when I saw her standing in the frozen section, shivering as she made the tough choice between the small variety of frozen pizzas, I couldn’t help but give a shot at a cute goth girl. 

She doesn’t know me. We’d only met in passing in that aisle and the name ‘Matt’ slipped off my tongue smoothly as I reached  over her for the pizza she was standing on her tiptoes to get. 

It rolled smoother off my deceptive tongue than my actual name. But it’s not entirely a lie. It is my middle name. 

I imagine that if she recognized me on the street across from her apartment I can prove to her that I’m not some creep that followed her home. 

I can show her my license. Matthew isn’t on there. I never saw it fit to add my middle name. 

“Sorry,” she would say embarrassingly so, “ I guess you just have one of those faces.”

“Well it’s not surprising. This city is so big – I can’t be the only awkward looking fuck you’ve encountered,” I would say.  

“You’re not awkward,” she would say blushing like she did there that day. I know it by the way she checked me out after I saved her from climbing into the freezer. A knight in shining armor. Only to freeze and fumble on the follow through.

I don’t remember what I said before she left – probably some awful joke that I later will torture myself with later tonight.

I have to keep note of what doesn’t work.

My only real regret was not getting her number before she left the store but we weren’t ready for that yet. I wasn’t ready for that yet.

Besides, I didn’t need it to see her. I just wanted one last time to see her before I ruin this perfect fantasy. 

I want to get to know her, inside and out. So I can really impress her, when we meet by chance once more. 

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